


That Hero, “Excuse me?”

by KapptianKappa



Series: That Hero, How Spirited [5]
Category: The Legend of Zelda & Related Fandoms
Genre: Comfort, Domestic Fluff, Fluff, Gen, Mute Link (Legend of Zelda), Original Character(s), POV Hyrule (Linked Universe), Selectively Mute Link (Legend of Zelda)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-23
Updated: 2021-01-23
Packaged: 2021-03-15 04:34:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,971
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28932591
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KapptianKappa/pseuds/KapptianKappa
Summary: In of where Hyrule tries his very, very best to cook, mushrooms are reportedly haunted, the Links are prone to murder, forgetfulness and somebody really enjoying their meal.
Series: That Hero, How Spirited [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2063562
Comments: 6
Kudos: 21





	That Hero, “Excuse me?”

Hyrule is anxious.

Usually, in the vast spaces of his Hyrule he’d have no time to sit around and be worried, or anxious, or really feel anything but the human need to  _ keep surviving. _ It’s something that’s afforded to him in this group of people who've given him an immense sense of  _ relief  _ and companionship, of which he adores and would obliterate for-

But sometimes?

He swears this group gives him more stress than when he was running around with people after his head- or really any body part as long as it was fatal and or incapacitating. 

So now Wild has been enchanted by the calls of the forest and his need for pyromaniac cooking, Twilight and Sky are out for the count, Time is fiddling with some kind of lens, Wind and Legend were appointed to scouting, Four is becoming a shivering mess of a tiny hylian and there’s no cook.

Hyrule is going to be that cook.

_ Hyrule has to be that cook. _

One would think that Hyrule, having a similar world as Wild would be just as good of a cook as him, maybe even better with the whole, retaining-all-memories thing. The problem to this assumption is this;

Hyrule never had a cooking pot.

Alright that’s a weak argument but he couldn’t get any, with constantly being on the run, and travelers would never lend him any kind of utensils. Unlike Wild, Hyrule was not a good fighter. Lighting a fire and attracting literally  _ everything _ in the area would most likely lead to his death.

Here’s a better argument;

Hyrule never learnt how to cook.

Alright, why doesn’t he just learn now? He’s got a perfectly competent chef and a safe environment now. Why doesn't he know how to cook in the first place?

Well the answer is-

Hyrule is allergic to  _ alot of stuff _ .

Hyrule has had to make a list by this point. Dairy; In very small amounts or else his throat will swell up. Gluten; don't eat unless you wish to be fighting with your stomach for a week. Seafood; Only the freshwater fishes and don’t eat octopus or muscles unless you wish for a painful agonizing death. Mushrooms; do you wanna be high? There’s a whole list for other very specific allergies such as many herbs across all of the Links’ Hyrules.

Many of his allergies have become less severe due to constant exposure such as mushrooms, fishes and black pepper, but nonetheless Hyrule never bothered with cooking anything elaborate to save himself from the disappointment of feeling unwell after it.

Hyrule goes about preparing for the disaster that was going to be his cooking, trying to pick out something coherent out of the mess of ingredients Wild absentmindedly left for them before slinking into the forest. In the pile there’s a hefty bundle of rice, spices, vinegar, salmon, mushrooms and dried seaweed. Hyrule vaguely remembers a recipe for what Wild called “Onigiri” and  _ hopes _ that he could pull it off.

He takes the rice and chucks it in an unoccupied wok and puts it over the campfire. Four so occupied with shivering and being cold that he doesn’t even notice Hyrule standing in front of him. While he waits for it to blacken, (that’s what Wild does for onions right? Those taste  _ wonderful) _ , he watches as Time ends up accompanying Wind for scouting duty since Legend was completely out of it, staring blankly in one direction. He follows Legend’s gaze and sees Warriors animatedly talking to himself about his nation’s various symbolic patterns whilst drawing what assumedly were some examples in a sketchbook  _ none of them possessed. _

_ Focus _

Hyrule blinks, and suddenly as if awakening from a concussion Hyrule struggles to get his eyes to focus on Eternity’s spazzing form, trying desperately to remember the tinier details of him. What color was his eyes again? How long was his hair? What shade of red was it-

Hyrule shakes his head 

Eternity comes back into existence, nodding excitedly to Warriors’ speech whilst he doodles on one of Warriors’ shoulder pauldrons. Hyrule sighs in relief, and suddenly he can understand why Legend was so determinedly staring at Eternity trying to burn his presence into his consciousness. The very aspect of forgetting someone who’ve you’ve known and spent everyday 24 hours a week with was very, incredibly, deeply  **_unsettling_ **

-And the rice was done! Nicely charred. Should be super tasty now! Hyrule proceeds to add a liberal amount of water to the blackened rice-

_ FOCUS _

Hyrule tightly shuts his eyes, he was thinking about something just moments before-

Right! Eternity. He exists, stop forgetting Hyrule.

Legend is staring perceptively at him, and Hyrule sort of wants to join him in the existential crisis spot because he’s  _ terrified _ how his memories are being  _ snatched _ from him by an errant thief.

He doesn’t want to forget, thank you very much.

He yelps when a wave of heat flanks his face and it appears that his rice is now sufficiently done. Black, crispy and aromatic, Hyrule adds a cup of sugar, 2 tablespoons of paprika, a pinch of black pepper (he doesn’t want to be high now does he?) and several spoons of vinegar. Hyrule sets the rice aside and starts on the fillings, and to be honest? He’s feeling quite good about the meal, perhaps it’ll come out glorious like a butterfly from its cocoon. Messy, gruesome, morbid and difficult, but beautiful nevertheless.

Hyrule lets his eyes slide off of his cooking, Wind and Time have arrived back at camp, Wind cheerily announcing an “all clear!”. The remaining able-bodied Links welcome them back warmly and Hyrule notes with relief that Sky has awoken from his praying fervour and was currently helping Twilight out of his as well.

Half-mindedly, he fillets the salmon and sections it into two portions. One to eat raw, and one to cook with the mushrooms. He observes as Wind drags Sky into a discussion of wind currents and how they differ throughout the Hyrules. Four was still shivering, and Hyrule was starting to fear the possibility of frostbite before there’s a dark shadow flying over him and suddenly Sky has potshot his cape onto Four’s shoulders.

Hyrule has to stand dumbfounded for a few moments with the sheer accuracy of it all and wonders for a while why Sky doesn’t care for bows. With that example, Hyrule is pretty sure Sky’d be  _ lethal  _ with it. 

Maybe he should ask Wild when he’s back? And after a few disappointed looks from Time to corral him.

He tosses the salmon into the wok and puts a stick of butter to follow, Wild would  _ kill _ him if he got food stuck on it. Twilight, lovely man he was, did the normal thing to do and simply walks towards Four and lays his wolf pelt on him. Sometimes Hyrule wonders if he should be suspicious of Twilight, with Wolfie and him never being spotted in the same area. Did Twilight at one point commit wolf genocide, driving him and Wolfie away? 

Maybe Hyrule can ease the tension with some well placed pieces of jerky...

The salmon was too, starting to brown but not quite blacken, so Hyrule takes it as a sign to add the whole mushrooms in now. He takes protective measures, wears his sturdy gloves, imbues his hands with some preventative magicks and practically shoots the mushrooms into the wok. The oil splashes dangerously, Hyrule feels pity for it, being in contact with such a dangerous substance.

Hyrule grabs the salt that he keeps on him at  _ all times _ , and proceeds to  **_punch_ ** it into the wok. The wok creeks and crackles for a bit, and there’s a little dent at the bottom of it, but it was all in due sacrifice. Hyrule doesn’t know how everyone approaches these  _ monstrous  _ creatures with such ease, but Hyrule knows better. He’s eaten one before and  _ the things he saw. _

You can't tell him that these damn mushrooms weren't unholy as  _ heck _ .

He violently throws another handful of salt at the cursed things, a little of it missing the wok and making a sizable crater in the ground, narrowly missing an absent eyed Four and flying past the terrified eyes of Twilight.

Hyrule smiles apologetically at Twilight, but you must do what you must do Twilight! Surely you must understand.

Twilight shivers right down to his toes and up to the pointest bits of his hair.

Hyrule has half a mind to throw a his pelt right back on him, does he too have a bad immunity to the cold? Hyrule will probably faint if Twilight comes down with pneumonia-

Yes, the onigiri, it should warm him up. He’ll shove it at him, it’s for his own betterment. 

The salmon was nicely blackened and the mushrooms properly decimated. A good and safe colour of vibrant pink and purple, as if it had actually taken a beating from Hyrule’s purifying treatment. Hyrule hopes it’s been properly sanitized of unholy demons. Hyrule takes it off the flame and begins the shaping progress. He scoops a handful of thick, crunchy, black rice and flattens it, before scooping the baptized mushroom-salmon mix in the middle of it.

Then, when the purified mushroom mix made contact with the blackened rice, it promptly decided to explode.

Hyrule watches as the newly born black butterfly, emerged from the smoke of the combustion, flutters away. 

Hyrule sighs, well, at least it wasn’t too bad…

* * *

  
  


Somewhere in the shaping of the 5th onigiri, Hyrule’s vision was suddenly obscured by a cascade of sunlit snow hair from an inquisitive hero standing rather ominously above Hyrule. Hyrule was so badly startled by him that his leg unconsciously swung out to quite harshly kick Four over. Four instantly falls over, unresponsive, and for a few scant moments Hyrule believes he has become a murderer. Like a child with a stick, a backyard and a little too much time on their hands, Eternity waddles over to Four and then begins to poke at his face with a cat-like look in his eyes. 

A few seconds pass like that, a silent solemn night. Hyrule sits hands cupping his unfinished onigiri with a quiet kind of horror. Hyrule turns to Twilight for help, but finds him uncharacteristically fast asleep, He peers at Warriors, Time, Wind and Sky all going about their business unaware of the comrade that Hyrule's just killed, he looks to Legend who has been all but watching the whole situation fold out with not a peep or a yelp through the entire time. He stares and Legend, Legend stares back.

Hyrule looks away.

Hyrule wonders what he’s going to do, how he’s going to repent. Two judgemental eyes upon him, what will they do? Will he ever be forgiven for the unforgivable? 

He feels the gazes  _ loom. _

“Sleepy boi.”

Eternity says.

Hyrule faces Eternity, who was giving Four’s cheek quite a poking. Eternity smiles serenely in return.

“Warm, sleepy boi sleep”

Hyrule has never heard such a strange sentence ever be said by anyone in all the collective worlds he’s been to. Despite it, Hyrule lets a big breath off his chest.

Alright, he hasn’t murdered another one.

Back to the task at hand.

* * *

Hyrule makes it out of the process with 26 onigiri, a sleeping Twilight, a passed out Four, and a very, very curious Eternity. Eternity expressing that curiosity by constantly peering over Hyule’s shoulder. It’s simultaneously endearing and  _ horrifying _ , because though Hyrule is pretty proud of his smaller than average height, Eternity dwarfs most all of them except Time. He’s strange and lanky, and prone to tripping often, so much so Hyrule wonders if he had some kind of a growth disorder like those he’d read about in a book.

Time gathers everybody to sit around the fire, where two people have already conked out from the slower-than-usual dinner. Wind with a worrying look of  _ knowing _ in his eyes kicks Twilight awake in the exact same way Hyrule had kicked Four down, and Hyrule feels a shiver roll up his spine. Wind turns to Hyrule and smiles innocently with a kind of ethereal gleam in his eyes.

U H M.

As Hyrule uncomfortably passes the onigiri out to the conscious Links, Eternity hovers above him, following him as he sets black onigiri to open hands. Hyrule is getting an uncanny feeling of a vulture following a traveler in a desert with not a drip of water or food in sight, just waiting till that traveler falls down flat to scavenge that lovely, lovely meat, not caring in the slightest if that traveler was conscious or not.

After setting the second-last pair of onigiri to Time, who was watching bemusedly at the pair, Hyrule finally turns to face Eternity, who was waiting with an excited look on his face. 

Hyrule takes Eternity’s excitement as a sign that perhaps today’s culinary adventures wouldn't be too bad, and plops an extra onigiri in his expectant hands. Hyrule gives Eternity a conspiratory grin.

Eternity looks at the onigiri as if he’s been given 4 gleaming chunks of diamond ore.

* * *

Hyrule is burying his face into his hands.

Where did he go  _ wrong? _

He hears another agonized scream from Twilight and he half wonders if it were possible to suffocate yourself only using your own two hands.

After Time had taken the first bite out of his onigiri, he instantly and calmly set his onigiri down beside him, took a cloth and disposed of his mouthful into it, and climbed straight into bed, as if to say “Nope ain’t dealing with this today.” The next brave souls to eat were Wind, Warriors, and Twilight respectively. Wind instantly went green and ran towards the forest, the fact that he had stuffed an entire onigiri into his mouth and swallowed it probably not helping him at all. Twilight, after having his bite, falls to the floor purple in the face. Warriors has a white-knuckled stabling grip on the tree next to him. Sweat pouring down his face, he wipes at his mouth with trembling hands.

“Hyrule, I believe that you have concocted a genuine poison-”

Warriors coughs dramatically before lifting a shaking hand-

“-and I advise that everyone else not even attempt eating this”

After saying his part, Warriors slumps on the tree he was leaning on, and proceeds to simply breath in and out as calmly as he could.

Twilight lets out a suffering scream behind his clenched teeth.

The events following all pass quietly and subtly. Sky has this look upon his face that implies that he  _ really _ wants to encourage Hyrule but judging by how his hands haven’t made a move to approach his mouth from his lap, he’s keeping silent to avoid being a hypocrite. Legend has been watching the whole situation with a calculating gaze, seemingly having waited to see what the others’ reactions would be. He was right to do so, and was in the process of wrapping his onigiri in some strange looking paper with a devilish look on his face. 

Hyrule has half a mind to inquire what Legend ever plans to do with his hard work?

Four and Time remain fast asleep, blissfully unaware of the chaos happening around him. Legend has not even a phantom of an idea to salvage the situation before he hears a strangled sob from behind him.

Hyrule  _ whips  _ his head around and he’s met with an eyeful of a crying Eternity, big blobby tears pouring out of his eyes as he takes bite after bite of his remaining 2 and a half onigiri.

“You don't have to eat it if you don't like it!!”

Hyrule says urgently as he flutters nervously in front of Eternity. If Hyrule remembers right, this was probably Eternity’s first time eating camp food with them, the first week of having met him spent in an in-between world filled with vast plains of grass, uncompleted civilizations, a feeling of abandonment, and little pockets of monsters. Eternity had mostly ghosted them then, though now Hyrule wasn’t so sure if he had intentionally made himself sparse or if  _ they  _ hadn’t noticed  _ him.  _ After that they had been transported to Sky’s Hyrule, so they ate at restaurants, inns and cafes a lot. 

With all that in mind, Hyrule had given him  _ the worst _ introduction to camp food  _ anybody could possibly have. _

Hyrule tries to pry the onigiri away from Eternity, trying to give him an excuse to stop eating them, but Eternity simply snatches them away from Hyrule with a fierce look in his eyes.

“Hap- HapPy teArs!”

Eternity reassures him with a great smile.

“I never T-thOught I would evER taste this again! I’vE bEen try..Trying to find this tastE ever since I was ReleAsed! So nostalgic...”

Eternity takes a big bite of his onigiri, taking out a good third from it, and from what Hyrule had observed from Eternity’s proper and elegant eating habits this was probably akin to him gulping all 4 onigiri in one mouthful. Eternity lets a hand drift to his cheek, cupping it fondly as he chews with a face of utter bliss.

“Excuse me?”

Hyrule hears Wind  _ hiss _ from where he has emerged back from the forest with an astonishing recovery time. Honestly, at this point Hyrule is dealing with some immense guilt and whiplash so no one will really blame him if he takes this opportunity to have- just a little bit of a nap? Right? Surely. 

“Uh, dear, Eternity? Could you please elaborate?”

Sky inquires, having dropped the onigiri he was holding as if it’d exploded, and Hyrule was pretty sure he dealt with the exploding ordeal by the 11th onigiri and wonders what that was about.

Hyrule closes his eyes.

Maybe a nap would do him good.

**Author's Note:**

> I’ve been trying to achieve short, concise and easy to start and end writings, for I find that I'll run out of steam when the word count goes over 2000. Is it working? No. 
> 
> I'm ever pleased to have lived in a family in where allergies are our sworn enemy and food is often a foe to be defeated. Truly, i have much material to work with
> 
> Hyrule and Legend are characters i always have difficulties grasping, for due to gamer relatives i do have very scant knowledge of some zelda games, but Hyrule? Legend? No clue where they come from. What even is their journey?? Who is plot???
> 
> Days are blending...


End file.
